I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
