i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
