I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You made out with two different species that night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
