she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When are your genitals available?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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