Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
