I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
