So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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