Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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