Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
