There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
