Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
