i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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