he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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