Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my being single is dangerous.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wear drunk well.
I'm always down for nudity.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
