He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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