Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize