I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
