I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
