you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
