It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
should my penis look like a turkey
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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