Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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