Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

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(917): View more from New York City

I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close

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(408): View more from California

By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.

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(623): View more from Arizona

im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.

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(718): View more from New York

Don't mention it

(718): View more from New York

Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn

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(317): View more from Indiana

Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub

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