hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
