I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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