Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
