my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
