I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
