We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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