nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just high enough for therapy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
