Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
