She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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