My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
