I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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