I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
