I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
