I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
