She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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