You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
