everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Come on in and take your pants off
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