High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
