Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize