I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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