Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
