I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
