you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
