can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
