Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
