i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
try to milk me bitch
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