Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
