meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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