she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
