I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
