dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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