"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
