You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
