Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
