based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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