Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize