so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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