I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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