no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
