Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
