Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
