I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
