I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it hurts more in the daytime
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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