sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
