so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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