I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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